Chapter 1 - Childhood

Born in 1991 in South Australia, with a sister 2 years older (*Kalmana) and married parents (*Adam and *Eve).

I have 2 memories of my dad before the divorce when I was 4. One was him coming into mine and my sister's bedroom late at night dressed as the tooth fairy, tutu, wand and all! Another was falling asleep on his lap and never wanting to leave, at our family shack. I'm a daddy's girl, he is my world. I often wait up at night to see him before he leaves for work and kisses us goodbye (he works A LOT and night shift).

Fast forward a few weeks, we see our dad every fortnight now. He lives with my nana and pop and we love to spend time with them too. Nana has a chocolate for us every time we see her!

One night we had a sleepover at a family member's house with Dad, there was a blonde lady there that dad had just met. Kalmana and I woke up in the room we were sharing with Dad, we didn't know where we were and went to wake Dad up, but the blonde lady was in his bed and they both didn't have clothes on, so we tried to go back to sleep. We told Mum when we got home because we were scared when we woke up in the middle of the night.

Mum has met a nice guy, *Nimrod he's very good to Mum and to us.

After a few months Adam moves into the granny flat of my second cousins house (Mum's 1st Cousin) let's call her Lilith, and her son, *Hormin who's 3 years younger than me. This is great, we are surrounded by family! Mum and Lilith have always been close, Lilith used to babysit us a lot when Mum and Dad would have date nights. Mum gives them the green light if they chose to be together, they laughed at the idea and told her that was absurd.

Dad has a new friend, we go to her house sometimes when Dad has to work, she's fun and does arts and crafts with us, Dad told us not to tell our mum or Lilith, but we're too excited and tell Mum about our weekends with her. The last time we got to see Dads' friend was late at night, my sister and I woke up in the car in her driveway, I needed the toilet, so I asked my sister to take me inside. It was dark and I was scared, so she held my hand and walked me in. There are sounds coming from the bedroom my sister recollects to Eve, we walk into the room and Kalmana recollects to Eve, again, what she saw... I have no memory of this part, perhaps I have blocked it.

Mum and Dad argue at drop off, Dad tells us again not to tell Lilith about what we saw. When we see Dad, it's at Nana and Pops for a few weekends, it's nice to see them again! Dad takes me and Kalmana to the oval a lot to kick the football and spend lots of time together. Mum tells Dad about Nimrod and him spending time with us. We didn't know it at the time but Dad has been threatening Mum saying he will put us in body bags and throw us off a jetty. I don't think Dad's head is very right, we don't see him for a while.

Next time we visit Dad, his back at Lilith's granny flat, we start spending more time in the main house with her and her son and there's talk of changing bedrooms into the main house, me and my sister are excited for a bigger room! We're told not to tell Mum; we trust our dad, so we do as we're told. We visit Nana and Pop sometimes but not as often anymore since Dad started to bring Hormin as well, Nana always forgot to get him a chocolate, but she never forgot ours.

Something has changed, our family is divided. Nana seems disappointed when we go over there with Hormin, why doesn't Lilith ever come to visit with us? We have family birthday dinners with Mums side and some of Dad's, but Dad and Lilith aren't there, why? Dad and Lilith argue after we visit Nana and his sister with Hormin. Everyone seems so angry, should my sister and I not have told Mum about moving into the main house, is this our fault?

It's been a while now, I'm 8 now and the family seems to be less angry. Dad and Lilith are a couple and are planning to build a house together!

Back at home, Nimrod, Mum, Kalmana and I moved out to a small country town. Dad and Lilith are building their house in the suburbs, life is good.

Dad's house is built, and they move in together. Lilith plans fun weekends when we visit, she makes sure we have the best time. When we stay for a week in the holidays though, we don't get to see much of Dad, and I miss home a lot. Lilith seems to change when Dad isn't around, she screams at me a lot and I don't know why. Sometimes she tells me I'm too much like my Mum. When Dad gets home, I hear them arguing about things I've done wrong or things I'd apparently said to her, but I don't remember saying them, Dad checks in on me when Lilith locks herself in her room. Sometimes we call another older Cousin who lives close by to come and pick us up because we don't feel safe, one time we climbed down from the second story window of our bedroom, and climbed down from the pergola roof that was under our window and met our cousin down the road.

Dad had to come home from work early one day to take Kalmana to the doctors. Lilith got really mad about something I had said in regard to wanting to go home and was screaming and breaking things, Kalmana saw me upset and took me upstairs to lock us in our room (with a chair as we didn't have a lock, luckily Nimrod had taught us this). We didn't realise at the time that Lilith had scattered sewing needles all over our bedroom carpet, after Kalmana stepped on one, we saw the floor covered in them, some poking up, some lying flat like they were just thrown into the room. Kalmana got the needle taken out at the doctors and got to keep the needle in a cool container as a keepsake!

It's Kalmana's 11th birthday, Dad drove all the way to our school to surprise her and give her a present, he always gets the birthday girl a present and the other something small, so we don't feel less special. Dad gave me a wrestling figurine 'Sting' because Kalmana and him like to watch wrestling together. I'm not sure what to do with it or why I thanked him with tears in my eyes and tried to pretend I liked it. It's the thought that counts is what we were taught.

I'm 10 now, Nimrod, Mum, Kalmana and I have now moved to a beautiful little town on the Murray River. Dad's selling the house he built, and he and Lilith are buying another house in the suburbs. Lilith is back to being fun and doesn't yell at me as much, Dad seems to spend more time at home when we are there now which is nice. Sometimes Kalmana and Hormin go to watch an AFL or basketball game with Lilith's sister, sometimes I'm left alone with Lilith, she's not mean, she just doesn't speak to me, so I read my book in my room most of the time when I'm there, it's a magical escape and makes the time pass faster.