Chapter 3 - Mid Adolescence

I'm 14, I have been seeing a guy for a while now, he's 18 and is so much more mature than boys at school. I go to parties now on the weekends, it works out well koz all the parents know each other being such a small town, so they trust us a lot, I like that. I always check in with Mum and let her know where I am and who with, we have a good relationship. I haven't been to Adam's aka sperm doner for a few months now after all the drama. My sister Kilmana still goes though, at least they're nice to her!

My bf has not once pressured me into sleeping with him which is a first for me, makes me trust him more, he is a virgin too. One night after a party I'd decided it was the night. It was a great first experience, I'm glad I waited for a guy I trusted. I told my friends the next day (I was the last of the group to lose my V card) they were happy for me. Word spread of course and the slut shaming began again... Yay! At least I'd actually had sex this time 🤷🏼‍♀️

After a few months the relationship has turned a bit sour, he never wants to do anything, he doesn't leave the house, has never come out with me, wouldn't meet my parents, only once by accident. My family was going to our beach shack, the time away has made me realise that I'm not happy and he doesn't seem happy. So I broke up with him... Never heard from him again?!

My Grandparents are up for the weekend, Mum had gifted me a tiara for a laugh, I wasn't going to go out but Mum said to go have fun so I went out after dinner, thought it would be funny to wear the tiara out 😂. There are more year 11 and 12s here tonight, they don't usually mix with our age so there were more people. I was having beer drinking comps with the boys, there was a new guy there, nothing to look at but he kept trying to talk to me privately. I was having too much fun and didn't really listen. At about midnight I got dropped home by my friend's Mum, I was getting ready for bed when my friend called me to tell me there were car loads of people on their way to beat me up?! I was like wtf why!? Apparently that guy had a gf and apparently, I hooked up with him?? I didn't even speak to the guy, didn't even know what his name was... But ok cool let's go. I called my sister, I said if you want to have some fun, come out the front there's carloads coming 🤣 she woke my parents up, which also woke my grandparents up. I was waiting out the front on the steps when Nimrod, Kilmana and my Nana came out the front just as the cars started pulling up, I started running down the steps then remembered I was wearing the tiara, so I chucked it to Nana and said, "hold my tiara Nana!" I looked up at the second story and saw my Grandpa looking out the window in his jocks! I get down to the road as the gf of the guy is coming towards me, somehow Nimrod gets in-between us, this girl is like a foot shorter than me, and our hill is a really big slope which she was coming up. I didn't intend on it actually ending up in a punch up. The odds didn't seem fair but the whole road was now full of people, and she started accusing me of stealing her boyfriend. She wouldn't listen to reason and then made a move at me. Before she could get close enough, Nimrod pushed her back, which being a big slope... she went down! A group of 18-20 years old stepped up to Nimrod, he asked who was next and what he would do to them if they dared... Most stepped back... One literally ran through the bushes (the one Kilmana had a crush on of course 😅). From that it was all over, they all got in their cars and left. The girls best friend sent me a text to say they would get me when I'm alone, so tough.

The family to this day still loves sharing this story, but the part of the story they don't know... Is what happened later that night...

After we all went to bed, I woke up hearing someone coming through my window. I was frozen with fear, it was pitch black. He started talking about what had happened tonight and if I had just gone with him at the party, none of this would have happened. I realised then that it was the bf of the girl that came to get me. I tried to fight him off, I almost screamed out to my family until I felt something sharp starting to pierce the middle of my chest. He warned me if I made a sound, he would dig the blade in deeper. I zoned out of what was happening, I made myself not feel, like I wasn't really there. After he left, I cried myself to sleep.

The next day a group of friends invited me to play pool with them at the pub, I didn't want to go but I felt so guilty being around my family after what happened, I wanted to tell them, but I was so ashamed, they were all still laughing about all the commotion of last night. I feared Nimrod would actually kill someone if he knew. So I went, and guess who was there... My rapist! All smiles and joking around, shooting me glares to keep me silent. I couldn't believe what was happening, I couldn't have felt any smaller or alone.

The next day before school I get a call from the girl's mum asking me not to hurt her daughter as she was too scared to come to school, I was baffled! If only she knew! I said I never laid a hand on her and never would. I get to school and hadn't even got to my locker yet when I hear what's been spread around the town... The guy had told everyone that I invited him back to my room that night and we had sex 🤮. Fucking yay! Now the slut shaming REALLY began!

I stop going out, I stop talking to my friends koz they don't believe me. If I have free sessions at school I leave for a while and go to a friend's house, they're all stoners but it's not for me, they don't push me to do it with them. I just don't want to be alone and don't want to be at school. I pick up more shifts at the supermarket and just keep busy and to myself. (Weirdly while writing this chapter, I received a friend request from the perpetrator before publishing this chapter?!)

Feeling pretty low and sadly miss my Dad, not that he deserves it but I couldn't help it. I organize to go down the next fortnight with Kilmana as she still visits him regularly. I wish I hadn't bothered; I should have learnt my lesson. Lilith planned a whole "welcome back" party with her side of the family. Apparently, they had changed my name to Betty koz they don't remember my name it's been so long so everyone there was told to call me Betty and think it's hilarious... I tried to have a moment alone with my dad, Lilith wouldn't allow it and made sure to interrupt every time I tried to talk to him, I wish he'd see how much I need him and stand up to her for once, but it doesn't happen... I give up!

I'm 15 now and it's my friend's birthday, she doesn't want to do anything big, so she gets a small group together and of all places we hang out at the cemetery telling ghost stories. There's a guy there I've seen around before, he seems nice, he had heard stories but didn't believe them, he asked for my number, and we started texting. A few months later we are together, he comes on family trips to the shack, and I do things with his family, this feels like a proper relationship! I trust him enough to tell him about that night and what had happened. He promised to make sure I don't see him again, and I never did. I hear at school that he was run out of town by a group of boys from the next town (the town my bf goes to school at).

There's a complete weirdo of a deputy principal at school, he stares at girls legs, try's to look up skirts, an actual sleaze bag! He also teaches Maths and P.E (of course he does). I get out of P.E every time pretending I have period pain. I'm not going to be subjected to some sleaze watching me run in short shorts, ew!

I've ended up in the principals office... During a maths class, Deputy Dick asks a question, I'm the only one to put my hand up to answer which he responds, "is there anyone besides the dumb blonde that knows the answer". I saw red! Are you fucking kidding me!? I lash out, I out his sleaziness in front of the whole class and as I walk out, I warn him not to stare at my arse!

Nothing gets done about this, I'm excused from Maths and P.E now but he still has a job. Months pass and SO many girls have complained about him staring at their arses or legs especially during P.E. I keep telling them to report it but they don't (contradictory of me huh!). So, I speak to the principal again, nothing happens. Deputy Dick hears I've been making complaints and starts throwing me in detention for stupid reasons. The detention room has one way glass from his office looking into the detention room, ew! On my third trip to detention that week I black out the window so he can't watch girls through the glass. A few days later, I'm walking past him locking his office door, looking around and looking suss. I wait until he walks off and go to the door, I hear my sister in there yelling out at him that he can't lock her in there. I see red again, that's my fucking sister!? I head to the principals office and don't leave until he agrees to go check the office. Deputy Dick is FINALLY sacked for misconduct, he couldn't come up with a reason for locking her in there. Allegations start to spark up that he had touched other girls in his office and they only came out about it after he left. I don't let my sister know that I saved her from the possible traumas ahead, she might actually think that I like her lol!

A friend from out of town is having a birthday party, she invited a few girls from my town so we head out there together and plan to sleep there for the night so we can all have drinks. We're having a good time until the girl who text me that night saying she'll get me alone, calls me as she's heard where I am. I tell her I'm not alone but can meet her if it'll stop her crazy shit and have it over with once and for all (the girl whose bf I apparently stole had apologized at school and we were fine weeks ago, nearly even friends) this girl just wouldn't move on! After about an hour I start to wonder where she is, it shouldn't have taken this long to get here, maybe she changed her mind or she was all talk. Then we all start getting phone calls from parents asking if we're ok. They had heard there was an accident on the road we were on. Turns out the girl's bf was drink driving, had slammed on his brakes to apparently avoid a kangaroo, her feet were up on the dash of the car, when they collided with a tree, her knees collided with her head. The impact sadly left her partially disabled... What an awful feeling, the guilt EATS me, they wouldn't have been in that car, on that road, at that time, if it wasn't for me. Granted, she made her choice, she seeked me out with bad intentions, but I can't help but feel part to blame.

16 now and it's my bfs school formal, Mum helped me find the most stunning dress and is doing my hair and makeup. She text my Dad to share the news of the big night and asked if he wanted to talk to me (she's always tried to push us back together, which is nice I get it, but I don't think she understands how broken our relationship is). I hear their conversation on the phone, he didn't want to speak to me and told her to tell me to enjoy your night druggie, don't steal another phone, you're a disappointment blah blah, I zone out again, stop myself from feeling... Thanks Dad 👌

It's my boyfriend's 18th birthday party, his parents have left for the weekend, and he planned a huge party with friends from our town and the town he went to school with (rival towns). Inviting people from both towns was a really bad idea, there's about 40m of front yard from the dirt road to the house. After the party was in full swing, everyone was getting along as his out of town friends hadn't shown up. Next thing we know, about 50 people from the other town parked at the road and started running up to the house like a literal war zone, and about 40 from our town started running at them from the house down... It was the most bizarre thing! There were broken noses, girls were punching boys and vise versa, one girl's arm was broken, I was running around trying to break fights up and thankfully wasn't injured! It was over as quick as it had started, the out of towners had left. Kilmana was there still and found me in a yelling match with my bf, I had just caught him rolling around on the grass hooking up with his ex! He was throwing all of my stuff out the front door, kicking me out in front of everyone. His ex was standing next to him smirking, she let me know I was the target and why she brought all of her friends. I'm not sure why but I felt stronger once my sister was there and for some stupid reason, after a string of nasty words he spat at me, I punched him in the face... With my left hand 🤦🏼‍♀️ Kilmana grabbed my things, pushed me in the car and took me home. Thank God for her!

For a few months me and that bf are on and off, I don't trust him, he makes promises but it doesn't matter anymore. I make him send an apology message to everyone at his party for the way he acted and for humiliating me, before I speak to him again. For some strange reason my boss from work (who's extremely hot but is 28 with 2 kids and with the kid's mum still) starts to console in me about problems at home and wishes he was younger and after some weeks, expresses how he feels about me. I'm in shock, I'm a nearly 17-year-old and he's much older, why me? He explains maturity and emotional maturity etc and can't help it. He finally breaks up with his ex and starts to go out. My family obviously don't know me and him were talking, and Mum starts egging Kilmana on to give him a crack since his single...

I found out after me and him became secretly official that he had in fact slept with my sister 🤦🏼‍♀️. Wow talk about keeping it in the family. But he says all the right things of course and we become more serious.

A week after my 17th birthday, Mum finds out about us, let's call him Jacob. She gives me a choice... Break up with him and stay, or stay with him and leave...